February 10, 2010
I LOVED going to pre-marital counseling. But that probably doesn't come as a surprise to those who know me; I'm totally into psycho babble regarding personality assessments. I heart taking "get to know yourself better" tests. I love Myers Briggs, birth order analysis and learning about love languages. So seeing how my partner and I "matched" up was really fun and interesting. I think it helps that we were already "pre-determined" as compatible based on e-Harmony's matching system, but it was pretty confirming to hear our counselor say that we were one of the highest scoring couples he's ever counseled. (Aww yea!) I realize that points and answering questions on-line regarding our viewpoints on finances, children, roles, communication, etc are not the be all end all of determining a successful marriage. But it sure was great to learn that we have similar outlooks on the "big stuff."
The most significant thing I took from this experience was the answer to this question. Our counselor asked, "Five years from now, when the romance and novelty has worn off and you've had the fight to end all fights and I ask you, why did you marry _____, what is your answer?" We each answered sincerely and lovingly and looked back at our counselor pleased with our answers looking for affirmation. We learned our answers revolved around how I made Andy feel and how he made me feel. He told us our answers revolved around ourselves....that the other person was fulfilling our individual expectations or desires. But what happens when those expectations or desires stop being met? This is when a lot of marriages start falling apart because this is the basis of "why I married _____."
Our counselor explained that marriage is a calling. (*We went to a Christian counselor, so "calling" includes a spiritual connotation). Five, ten, or 20 years from now if Andy and I are going through a rough patch and someone asks me why I married him...I'll say without hesitation, I was called to. When you feel called to do something, when you know without a shadow of a doubt that your marriage is a divine appointment, you don't let anything stand in your way. This truly was an "ah-hah" moment for me. I wonder how many marriages might make it through the rough times if they truly understood beforehand that they were called to be husband and wife. Called not to just love each other, but called to honor, respect and serve one another even when we don't feel like it.